How was life treating you? You must feel extremely startled at the fact that I wrote letter to you. This is the first time that I have written you a letter and maybe it also will be the last time.It has been almost three years since we encountered each other for the first time. We both have changed a lot over the past several years. We could not study and play the way we did in senior three because we were in different corners of the province and we had different dreams.
In the past two years, I have had little opportunity to meet you or have a sweet chat with you. I once made several attempts to talk to you via , but only to find you replying to me with several holiday words. For quite a long period of time, I was very scared to talk to you via . I really could not put up with the fact that you were always replying to my messages several minutes or even several hours late. Maybe you were too engaged to your study or something else to notice my messages. There were hundred of times when I cleared all the messages which were to send to you. I was constantly asking myself whether I should let go of the past sweet memories that you created for me in senior three and not to get involved in your life any more. But the fact was that I could not be able to do that.
You made a big difference to my life when we were striving for our dreams in senior three. There was a secret I had hidden deeply in my heart for a long time,but I want you to know it now. It is about my first love. I once had a big crush on Qiu Ting and wrote her a love letter. To my great sorrow, she did not wrote back to me and gradually started to get detached from me. I knew she had refused me and in a way that a boy could be totally refused. I was always forcing myself to be strong and trying to forget her by devoting myself fully to my study. You can not imagine how hard it was to really get her out of my mind and be committed to my study. There was a period of time, I had no idea of what to do and how to live tomorrow. I looked very calm and happy, but nobody could feel the sadness behind it. But gradually I did know what to do and how to live tomorrow because of you. I was greatly influenced by your optimistic attitude,healthy mindset and strong enterprising spirit. You were always struggling hard for your study and your dreams. I regain the confidence to study well and the right mindset to live well. I determined to get close to you and learn from you. It gradually became a habit for me to exchange my thoughts on study with you. Playing and studying with you brought and taught me a lot.
Every time when I recalled those beautiful memories at night, You were always showing up in my dreams. In the dreams, you were so close to me. In reality, you were so far away from me. I knew that there were two decisions for me to make. One is to tell you nothing about how I feel of you, another is to express my love to you.I chose to tell you bravely in order to not feel regretful in the future. As a matter of fact, I was quite clear of what would happen. Just several days before the lunar year, I confessed to you and it turned out to be exactly as what I thought. I will not lie to you that I was not sad at all after being turned down by you. It was much painful than the previous refusal made by Qiu Ting. It was also quite different from the first one because you replied to me and in a way that a boy could be really persuaded. To be frank, I really can not match you. I am too thin, too short and too weak to give a you a sense of safety. Most importantly, I am an idiot of love. I can never know how to show my love to a girl and how to make a girl have the reason to love me.
I was quite clear of what will happen if you turn me down. It does not only mean that I have lost your love, but also mean that I have lost your friendship. You told me that you would still treat me as a good friend and hoped me to do the same.I did try to do that,but I found it didn’t work.I found that you gave me little opportunity to regard you as a friend.Experience tells me that we can not and will not be friends like before.I once tried to maintain my friendship with Qiu Ting after being refused by her,but found I got nothing but pain and hatred no matter what I did.I do not know how long our present friendship can still last but I know how it will end.Although I do not want to witness that day,that day will eventually come.All the factors of happiness you bought to me will be all the reasons accounting for my future deep sorrow. Maintaining our friendship is bound to hurt both of us. I know how entangled and embarrassed you will be if you still treat me as your friend when you have already had a boyfriend. I do not want to see you do that.Before I confessed to you,We did not talked too much and met too frequent like a normal friend.It will make no difference for us to try not to be friends because we actually were not acting like friends for a long time.I should really not get involved in your life any more.
I now have a strong feeling that I am going to lose you someday.I have to make the decision to end our current friendship in person because I do not want you to do it someday instead.I also know you will not do that for the time being,but you will have to do it someday not too long from now. I have already experienced the pain of losing someone I love.I really hope I can never experience it again.You can never know how painful I am to decide to let go of you first.I felt heartbroken but did not cry when I knew I was turned down by Qiu Ting.Maybe that is actually not true love for me. It was a quite different story when I was turned down by you.I did not only felt heartbroken but also shed tears When I received you refusal message.I have seldom seen myself crying over the last two decades, but I had a big cry on that night.I tried to comfort myself and told myself that it was no big deal because it is not my first time to be refused. The more I tried to comfort myself with such words, the much painful I felt in my heart.From that night I knew that I have fallen so deep in you.
I once told myself how amazing it would be if you said yes,but that was not fact.I also told myself that I should keep my love for you and never let go until I get your good answer,but I doubt myself whether that day will come or not. After all,I could not find myself having any reasons of letting you have the same feeling for me.Thus,I am determined to stop dreaming and make the hard choice.I will get you completely out of my heart in the way I forget Qiu Ting.I will be strong, optimistic and enterprising in the days ahead.I am fully confident that I can make it soon because I succeeded one time!Time will heal everything!Everything will be all right in the end!
I am really grateful to you for telling me directly how you feel of me and I would like to thank you for still regarding as your good friends. I really hope you can always be happy when you are with you boyfriend. I hope there will not be too much conflict between you two. Your birthday is just around the corner. It shames me to say I am not able to celebrate your birthday .The only thing that I can do is to say “Happy Birthday to You”in advance via this letter.
May everything be good with you!
May you can be happy all the time!
May you can still be strong,optimistic and enterprising!
Love brings you Achilles’ armor as well as his heel.